It is safe to say that I have been experiencing ‘Bloggers Block’ for the last few months but I really appreciated the number of requests I had for more blogging so hopefully I am back.
I have had a very interesting last few months, a combination of highs and lows resulting from forced change and the mixed emotions it all brought up.
I had been living in my dream house for the last almost two years, and to be honest I could have lived there forever. It spoke so much to my biggest value of nature. Being able to sit quietly in our own wood sipping a glass of red wine at dusk waiting for the badgers to come out was truly a rare opportunity that I am not sure many ever get to experience, and one I am not sure I will have again. To have groups of wild deer crossing the driveway in the misty, cold winter mornings and to know that life was going on around me in perfect harmony always grounded me. I guess I forgot that it wasn’t really mine and at some point it was going to end.
Change seems to be the biggest challenge for people. Our natural instinct is to resist it, rather than embrace it. My recent experience of forced changed reiterated the importance of enjoying each and every moment so when something does end we can walk away without regret.
It has also taught me not to get too attached. By this I don’t mean hold back, but make sure you are able to open your hand and let go when the time comes. For the most part we have very little control over life despite thinking otherwise. It is often only when we experience forced change that we realise this. What we can control though is how we react to change.
We can’t stop that company making us redundant if they decide to restructure. We can’t stop someone ending a relationship with us if they decide they are no longer in love with us and we can’t stop someone dying when they have a terminal illness. When we think we are in control we often drift along not really being conscious of our lives and it takes forced change for us to learn to live more mindfully. I was sad that such a beautiful time in my life was over but I am grateful I was able to experience it in the first place.
I am now in another lovely house and mindful of the fact that I am only ‘visiting’ and so I am seeing each experience as just that. It is also time to commit to England being our home for how ever long that might be.
‘If my life is for rent and I don’t learn to buy
Well I deserve nothing more than I get
Cos nothing I have is truly mine’ – Dido
Beautifully written Hilbs and such a great lesson for us all. Change so hard but at times necessary. Love what you said about being ‘grateful to experience it in the first place’. We have to keep reminding ourselves how much we have to be grateful and thankful for especially when times are tough…..
Thanks for your motivating words Claire. I will hopefully be a lot more active in my blogging now..
There really is something to be said about living with an attitude of gratitude as it does make us see the beauty in each day/experience.
This really resonates for me, Hilbré, on so many levels and it’s timely as I’ve been processing so much lately that hearing other people struggle with change too is really helpful.
Because of my OH’s career we move a lot, but it’s sporadic and you never know how long you’re going to live in a particular location. This makes you adept at putting down (shallow) roots really quickly, but it also means that it’s very hard to maintain friendships with people with a more static life and to maintain a rewarding and worthwhile career path (or even just some sort of 2nd income).
In nearly 12 years of marriage we’ve lived in 9 “homes” (none of our choosing and the current being our 9th), and that includes 2yrs in 2 of them and 4yrs in a 3rd, so do the math (as the Americans say). Some locations require learning a new language to at least a functional level to make the most of the location, some don’t. Some have laws that completely prevent a spouse from working. Some require you to be 110% vigilant about security and what you talk about it (even on the phone and online) 24/7. Most end up providing us with special experiences and memories, even the tricky ones.
Each move has brought highs and lows, from discovering little out-of-the-way places that only locals know, to saying goodbye to all-too-newly forged friendships and favourite haunts. The most difficult part is that we have no control over when or where we get posted or what house we end up with.
Like you we were really fortunate with our immediately previous home; it was what we’d always imagined living in, but the toughest part when it came to Change Time. We had enjoyed the best part of 4 years in one place – formative years for our daughter and in a community which included us wholeheartedly and which we embraced in turn. When it came to moving on it was very, very hard and I’ve (we’ve) also found it really tough stepping back into the bubble that comes with OH’s role. The move also, for what ever reason, brought home to me the sudden loss of my mother 18 months earlier and I found myself grieving for so much until fairly recently, but I’ve come out the other end and feel like I’m ready to tackle more Change and Challenge, as long as it doesn’t all happen at once 🙂
I also suspect that we’re now so used to being buffeted about by Change that if we were to be more static it would be a bit of a culture shock for us.
Thank you for sharing and great to see your blog active again.
Lynda thank you for sharing your feelings with us as you certainly have to have a strong and open mind to cope with the number of times you move!
You seem to have developed (or maybe you always did have) the right attitude of being open and always seeing the positive and learning that each new place brings. I guess it also highlights that home should be more about a state of mind, rather than the physical bricks and mortar.
I also can understand how the last move brought back feelings of your mum as I think we are stronger emotionally when we feel grounded. When we feel we are out of control or out of our comfort zone we naturally look to the one who was always there to nurture and make us feel safe. I always really feel the loss of my mum more at times of change. Glad to see you feel you have come out the other side though and ready for what lies ahead. I hope 2013 is a great one for you.
Hi Hilbre
Lovely to have you back!
Sometimes, some changes feel awful at the time, but then when you look back on them in a couple of years, you realise that without knowing it at the time, they had to happen so you could be in a much better place now. Time is a great revealer of secrets 🙂
Thanks Clare – it is odd but I really love my writing and when I don’t do it I feel a part of me just isn’t really alive…definitely a reminder to notice and honour one’s values.
You are right, change is inevitable and difficult but with it also comes self discovery. It is always very difficult at first but when we begin to heal, we also begin to appreciate the growth we have received by going through that difficult experience. Thanks for sharing.
No matter how hard change is, it does seem to be the pathway for growth and as you say, it is when we heal that we begin to appreciate the growth. Great to have your thoughts on my blog and hope to see your comments again soon.