Why does sex change everything?
S-E-X – that good old forbidden word – or is it? Why are some cultures like the Italians ALL about sex and passion and others like the English all about not mentioning the word unless they are plastered…I find it intriguing how many people never spoke (or speak) to their parents about sex. Why is it like this and is it still like this today for the younger generation?
I am not sure that much has actually changed when it comes to sexual equality in the bedroom. Women are demanding equal rights in all aspects of life, whether it be salary, politics, childcare, maternity/paternity leave, equal opportunities etc BUT how come when a women sleeps with a man (now I am generalizing here) it changes everything? Suddenly they become vulnerable, want a commitment and if it doesn’t work out then they feel used. I don’t quite get this last part because surely when an adult enters into any form of agreement with another adult it should be on equal terms. So why does this not happen under the duvet?
This is where I become passionate about coaching women as I see so many women not valuing themselves enough to demand the respect they deserve from men. Self-respect is critical to having self-confidence and self-worth. If we don’t respect ourselves, how can we demand it from others? We start respecting ourselves through our actions and taking self -responsibility. When a man and a women have a wild night of passion and it is only that – they should both see it as a fun night to remember and it was only a moment and not meant to necessarily be anything more. He shouldn’t be the stud and she shouldn’t be slag.
‘Passion!’, after all, what is sex without it but a form of exercise?!
My own personal experiences on discussing the ‘Sex’ subject with my parents during my informative teens are still to this day something I cringe about. I like to think that I’m quite liberal and relaxed about the subject but I have to admit that the only person I feel ridiculously uncomfortable talking to about it is my Mother. Strange, as although I wouldn’t expect to be speaking with her about this on a social Saturday afternoon over tea, she surely she should be someone I could discuss matters with without breaking into a cold sweat of embarrassment?! I think this says a lot about how we’ve grown up with the subject in the UK.
Over here it gets built up into something momentous and we attach all kinds of meanings to the act that don’t necessarily apply. Equality is right but then a man still needs to be a man under the duvet?! I think men can get confused as to what that now means. “Treat her as an equal but take control and be a man!”, is a confusing dilemma!
You look at the Italians and their more relaxed (and I think being relaxed is key) attitude to sex. This isn’t to say they take it less seriously than us but they just take less expectational baggage into the act. Italian women, along with other nations, are extremely passionate and can easily be the instigator of sex. Yet, wake up the next morning and see it as only the passion of the night before. They can just as easily have a morning coffee with the night’s partner and move on with a smile and fabulous memories… perhaps they’ll hook up again but then perhaps not.
I don’t see any reason why you can’t both wake up and feel respectful about yourself and the other person after a passionate night. Sometimes sex is just the by-product of passion and I think we can all agree that passion is good – food for the soul even. It’s just that we attach so much to the act of sex when we should sometimes just think of it as expressing our passion about the moment we’re in.