I was recently at a social event where a woman asked me how many children I had. She just assumed that I had children. When I told her I didn’t have any she looked very awkward and quickly went off to talk to someone else who I can only assume had children. (It isn’t just women I might add, my husband says he gets the same reaction from other men when they ask him about children).
I thought it was very interesting, as she clearly felt uncomfortable after finding out that I wasn’t a mother. For me, women are made up of so many facets, motherhood being one aspect of us, so why do so many mothers find it uncomfortable to relate to women who have not had children? After all, we were all childless at one point.
There is often the assumption that to be child free is a negative situation and that all non-mothers secretly yearn to be mothers. While this may well be true for a lot of women who were not able to fall pregnant, there is a vast majority out there who have actively chosen to remain child free.
Research has shown that birth trends in the developed world have changed considerably since the 1990’s. Below is a quote from an article which appeared in The Telegraph in June 2009:-
The proportion of those who are without children has almost doubled since the 1990s – and pursuing professional careers is a key factor, suggesting it is now a lifestyle choice.
Single women are five times less likely to have children than married ones, while those cohabiting are almost twice as likely to stay childless, the Office for National Statistics research reveals.
Here is the link to the rest of the article:
Therefore to have children or not to have children shouldn’t be a conversation killer. Next time any of you talk to a woman who hasn’t had children, and you think she is of an age where she clearly should be having children, ask her something else about her life – you might find yourself pleasantly surprised by what she tells you.