Hilbre's Life Coaching Blog

You can count on me like 123…

I love the song Count on Me by Bruno Mars. It makes me feel good and I think about my friends when I listen to it. I think about how they support me and I look at how I support them and what I can do to be a better friend. We are all so busy today (too busy in fact), but that just seems to be the speed the world is moving at right now. A close friend who is going through a really tragic time said to me that she doesn’t feel like anyone has really been there for her. A client said to me that her friend just doesn’t seem to have time for her anymore.

What is friendship?

What does ‘being there’ for a friend mean?

Who will you call when you need a friend?

Who do you think will call you – will you be there when they do call?

I am reading a really interesting book called ‘Is That All There Is?’ by Julia Neuberger who is a female Jewish Rabbi. She talks about Facebook and what the term ‘friends’ means. I always find it fascinating how many people seem to have so many ‘friends’ and yet they seem inherently lonely. Are we deluding ourselves that we have a support group because we are all connected online? What happens when we actually need people to give of their time and to be there to do things for us – things that take time and can’t be done in a few minutes on Facebook, Twitter, MSN and the rest….

Count how many friends you really do have – they always say if you can count them on one hand you are rich in friendship. If you have more than 5 really true friends then know you are lucky and remember to make time for them as true friendship is pretty special.

Now go and enjoy Bruno Mars.

I have just got back from a wonderful break in the warmth and beauty of Indonesia. I find holidays are a great time to get perspective on one’s life.

PERSPECTIVE is one of the most powerful aspects of coaching. We all view our lives in a certain way and that perspective is often seen as our reality. What if we can change our perspective, can we then change the way we view our world? The answer is absolutely.

I believe what sets positive people apart from those who see the glass as half empty is they choose a positive energy-enhancing perspective, no matter what card life deals them. While we can’t change the essence of our reality – if we are going through a particularly challenging time in our lives we can’t just make the experience go away, but we can choose the way we see it. We always have a choice in how we view our world and people often forget this.

The coaching process assists in exploring different perspectives on what ever issue or challenge we are facing. From there we can choose the perspective we think will serve us best, and from that place we can look at what resources are available to us that will give us strength and confidence to move forward.

I am back in my reality now and know most of you are in yours as you read this, but remember you can always choose what perspective you want to be in. Life really is all about CHOICE and you don’t have to wait to go on holiday to get perspective, you can do it anywhere, anytime.

Try this simple exercise next time you are in a restaurant – switch places with the person opposite you and notice how different your experience is. The essence of your reality is still the same – you are both eating in the same restaurant, at the same time, at the same table but just by changing your outlook you will see the restaurant differently and notice things you hadn’t seen before.

It really is true that in England when the sun shines the whole place seems to come alive.  l was watching this beautiful butterfly today busying itself amongst the purple flowers and it made me want to write about how precious life is.

The other night I watched the movie ‘Veronika Decides to Die’, based on the book by Paulo Coelho (well known author of the Alchemist). Initially it seems like a very sad movie about a girl who can’t see the point of going through the motions of life. As she describes it – you get married, then after you have had kids your husband has an affair because you are too tired and busy being a mother and you wish you could kill him (and his mistress), but then you realise that life on your own would be worse and so you put up with his behaviour (because he will do it again) and just go through the motions of life without feeling much. She overdoses but doesn’t succeed and so after being in a coma for a week finds herself in a psychiatric hospital. She is told she has done permanent damage to her heart and will die at any stage from a heart attack.

I wont tell you what happens but she yearns to see the sea, watch the sun setting and to hug her mother. In her case, these are all things that are freely available to her on regular basis. So – I am curious as to why it is more often than not that we only start to really live and see the magic in the simple things when we are faced with death. Why is that?

Every day is another day closer to our final one and yet how many of us embrace each day from the perspective that we have one day less left to live? No matter who we are or how healthy we might be today, we just never know when our last day will arrive.

I have a very close friend fighting cancer and he said to me ‘ I feel like one of the lucky ones as I now see the magic in each and every moment, no matter how small and insignificant it might seem’.

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”- Mark Twain

Don’t wait to be faced with death before you start to see the magic all around you.

Why does sex change everything?

S-E-X – that good old forbidden word – or is it? Why are some cultures like the Italians ALL about sex and passion and others like the English all about not mentioning the word unless they are plastered…I find it intriguing how many people never spoke (or speak) to their parents about sex. Why is it like this and is it still like this today for the younger generation?

I am not sure that much has actually changed when it comes to sexual equality in the bedroom. Women are demanding equal rights in all aspects of life, whether it be salary, politics, childcare, maternity/paternity leave, equal opportunities etc BUT how come when a women sleeps with a man (now I am generalizing here)  it changes everything? Suddenly they become vulnerable, want a commitment and if it doesn’t work out then they feel used. I don’t quite get this last part because surely when an adult enters into any form of agreement with another adult it should be on equal terms. So why does this not happen under the duvet?

This is where I become passionate about coaching women as I see so many women not valuing themselves enough to demand the respect they deserve from men.  Self-respect is critical to having self-confidence and self-worth. If we don’t respect ourselves, how can we demand it from others? We start respecting ourselves through our actions and taking self -responsibility. When a man and a women have a wild night of passion and it is only that – they should both see it as a fun night to remember and it was only a moment and not meant to necessarily be anything more. He shouldn’t be the stud and she shouldn’t be slag.

Did you see the magnificent full moon last night? I took this photo just for fun to give a different perspective on what we normally know as the perfect round ball. It is still the same moon and lights of Tunbridge Wells but not as we would normally see them.

I love the full moon and have always made it a conscious part of my life. It represents a very sad time for me, but rather than seeing it as a negative, it has become a symbol of how precious life is. The full moon appears every 28 days, which when you start to take notice of it you realise just how quickly it comes around again.

Life operates at a crazy pace today, but if we can find meaning in small things that occur regularly in our lives, it offers a moment to just stand still and be thankful for all we have and who we have in our lives.

Nature is a wonderful way of marking time – it might seem like spring has only just sprung, but the daffodils have mostly finished blooming and won’t be seen again for another year. Did you take time to notice them…

I would love to hear how others notice time (apart from seeing how quickly children grow as watching them really does make me feel like the days are flying by far too quickly!)

As British Airways was taking off and I watched the lights of the city recede into insignificance it made me think about what perspective most of us are in when it comes to life.

Whenever I book a seat I like to face forward. I asked my husband what he preferred and he thought it was an odd question as he doesn’t mind – a seat is a seat.

For me it is important. I like to watch things getting bigger as I approach them. If you are going backwards you only see things once they have passed and invariably they are getting smaller. So in essence, when you face forward – you greet life and when you go backwards – you say good-bye as you have no option but to see things receding (unless you don’t mind getting a stiff neck).

Both seats are on the same plane, train, boat or whatever other means of transport you choose but each gives you a different perspective. Life is all about what perspective we choose to be in. After all it is all one earth, one air, one life.

What seat do you prefer – F or B?